How To Make a Dutch Bicycle

Take a regular old bike. Yours, mine, your brother's. Strip it of its gears and handbrakes. Revert to the pedal brakes you had as a kid; you know, the ones you hated because you could never slow the bike down when you walked it down that hill you feared. Add a baby seat in the back. And hell, add one in the front, too, along with one of those mini-windshields so as to keep the wind out of the darling child's face. Throw a pair of saddle bags over the back tire, strap a basket onto the front of the bike, and cover the chain with a metal guard to keep your pants from being patterned with little grey spots every morning. Your little reflectors are replaced with pedal-generated lights. And your chain lock is out-of-date compared to the Chinese grip lock that physically prevents your back tire from moving. (You may want to exchange that.) Buy a new little bell for the right handlebar... and while you're at it, attach a compass to the left one. Now stand back in awe.

Congratulations.

You have just turned your pitiful street bike into an all-purpose 3 person grocery-shopping mobile. And your pant legs aren't dirty. You superstar, you.